I was angry at myself because I thought "I have Jesus, I shouldn't be obsessing over this" but the more I fought myself and fought the past, the more it encroached upon even my sleep. I took a step out and asked my beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ for prayer, and had a long chat on the phone with another believer and we spoke in depth about these things.
I learned that, as "more God" comes into our hearts, the old self begins to rise to the surface (like oil in water, the two can't co-exist). God brings forward the oil in our lives so that the water can be pure, free of the old yuck that kept it chained. He brings forward the things we need to heal from so we can walk better with Him.
This was one of those things.
As a 21 year old I could rationalize these memories and understand that I was just a child, but the hurt still lingered and became an aching in my soul. As a 10 year old, I was damaged by the events that happened and, instead of dealing with it as I grew, I ran from it. I buried it, forgot about it and just distracted myself if it ever bubbled to the surface.
As a 21 year old, it wasn't that big of a deal. It was just something stupid that happened and that was that. It shouldn't have happened, I hurt people because of it at that age, but it did. That was it. But the memories still hurt. As a follower of Christ, I had to face up to those feelings and emotions which were, at the time, extremely real and very, very painful. But I didn't want to know, so I ran from it.
God doesn't want that for me. He doesn't want me to hurt, but He doesn't want the past hurts to take control. He shone His light on the past and helped me move forward with Him to a greater degree of trust.
I'm still feeling a bit odd about the whole thing, to be honest, and am dealing with the remnant "oil" that's still floating around... but I'll be fine. I wanted to praise my heavenly Father for helping me so tenderly with this; I wanted to thank the Holy Spirit for so softly whispering the need for healing into my spirit and I wanted to thank Jesus for His sacrifice that enabled the healing in the first place.
If you have a random memory that creeps up and brings with it the flurry of past emotions, as though it was *just yesterday*, no matter how long ago it was... it may well be Jesus bringing something to mind that you need to heal from. If you encounter that, pray to the Lord and ask Him for guidance. Even if all you do is cry in His presence, you will still be in His presence and that, my beloved, is exactly where true healing takes place.